I don't know what to do with myself with all this free time on my hands.  I am so aimless, cleaning my room slooooooowly, with many breaks for facebooking and food (omg, i am going to gain so much weight over break if I don't find something to do with my time).  

I bought a pack of labels and I'm going to just start putting them on things.  I wrote someone a thank you card and labeled the envelope, "ENVELOPE."  Just in case. 

I want to send people things.  I want to make them feel better.  I want to go dancing, I want to get fucked up (FUCKED UP).  I'm throwing a holiday party with my friend Joshua which should be SO FUCKING RAD.  OMG.  Idk what the point of this entry is. 

LJ, I MISS YOU.  But I'm kind of happier now, so I'm not sure I'll be coming back the way I have in the past.  :/  Still, flisties, I will always love you for keeping me sane for so long. 

This guy contacted me on facebook a couple of days ago, Ethan, he used to be Laura's girlfriend, years ago, and now -- IDK.  I'm supposed to hang out with him and his girlfiend tonight, and I feel like the whole thing is just a little sketch.  Like, he seems really needy, apparently has no friends, and I find that whole having no friends thing a little odd -- like, what's wrong with these people?  At the same time, he contacted me to talk about how I changed my name and, oh, seem a little trans now, and like -- I don't have any IRL friends who are trans?  And maybe I should make some?  I don't know.  blah. 

But not having plans is fucking me up.  Basically.  I need to be way more busy than this. 

And -- I need a new computer.  Mine is officially a lost cause, the chasiss started breaking this week.  Then a hinge pop-pop-popped and now is doesn't seem to be working much at all.  I have... no idea where I'm going to come up with the money for a new computer from.  But I can't NOT have one, so.  : /  

But.  I'm still weirdly content in life right now, despite everything.  <33333


This may be one of the most unintentionally uncohesive things I've ever written. 

I find it really strange that I apparently know WAY more about event planning than all of Fall Out Boy and their management.  Um.  I'm also reminded of that time last year-ish when they had to stop showing certain images at their shows/rename their tour because of copyright issues.  GUYS.  On the other hand, successful event planning is still MOST of what I've learned in university, and I learned none of it in an actual classroom. 

I'm making this face a lot lately.  : /

I kind of hate everything right now.

My Women and the Body teacher gave us a final project that requires anyone doing it to be cisgender.  When I pointed this out she gave me a different assignment which is to, "reflect over the time period in which you have made the transition away from traditional female-sex body norms." 

WHAT. THE. FUCK .

a) invasive
b) broad as hell
c) ;sdfhg;kjsdhg;dkjfgh;
d) I can't do this.  Or, I can, but WOW, i really fucking dont want to. 

I cannot deal with this week.  I WANT TO DESTROY SOMETHING.  I'M GOING TO CUT OFF MY HAIR.

Its probably a bad sign that I want to get a twitter JUST to follow the QC characters.  right.  right?

ALSO. pintsize is WAY creepier in text form.

yesssssssssssss.

"a few things may rhyme with circus?"

also I got a tumblr if anyone cares: http://lilyliedtome.tumblr.com/

yes. everything i keep saying to the world is mostly just that. YES. YES.

I don't even know how to deal with how strange my life seems to have become. But hey, I might get to see Amanda Plamer in LA. And there's nothing better than nights spent talking, even if.

I just got sir'ed at the art museum. 


For some reason I keep wanting to use livejournal as twitter for people without phones - just little odd updates about my life.  That probably is really annoying.

It's that time of year again.  Thursday is Transgender Day of Remembrance.  Look out for a post about it tomorrow.

Making a mixtape for my sister; just realised i love Brand New. 

So we got vonage as our home phone service a little while ago, and somehow this resulted in my not having internet at home for ten days.  The only thing I was able to do at all is check my email and write papers at the comp labs on campus.  IT SUCKED.  Then we got internet back, I was accepted to the painting school, the election happened (OMG OBAMA) and I didn't go home for three days because I scheduled too much, got sick, basically failed a class, and... here we are.  UGH LIFE.  LJ PEOPLE, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.  I feel like I'm missing a limb or something from being so out of contact.  :(

P.S. My favourite thing ATM is how hot Lance Bass looks in this picture.  Ahh, popslash.

So... I have a mohawk, sort of.  Guys, I cannot even convey how hot I look right now.  

facebook statuses I could have right now:

james never gets the girl.
james is listening to Cursive and remembering high school.
james should spend less time on facebook.
james: too much ice cream.
james would like to get trashed now, kthnks.
james is no longer nap nap napping.
james is blushing bright red (lol hobby).
james: somewhat queer, easily distracted.*

my actual facebook status:

james is Louis Garrel: still french, goddammit.


I work in the art office at my school and today one of the women I work with said, "I know whether or not you got into the program, but I CAN'T TELL YOU."  Ugh, frustrating.  I'm going to assume that means I got in, though, since she was smiling when she said it.  Waiting for things sucks.  

*this is what I came out as today for National Coming Out Day. 

I feel like when I make plans for the morning the time that the plans are for should be the time that everyone wakes up before rolling out of bed and heading to the meeting/breakfast/whatever. Obviously that would mean that people didn't all get there at the same time, but that extra sleep would make things so much better right now.

It seems like I always say I'm going to do something in this journal and then never actually do it.

1. If you gave me your address in mid August expect to get an envelope or package soon -- each package contains some small little present(s), a band or activism flier with a note scribbled somewhere on it, and possibly something else. If for some reason you really want me to send you something and didn't give me your address at the time, feel free to email it to me in the next couple of days (lilyliedtome(at)gmail.com) and I'll send something to you as well.

2. I promised a series of posts of Music That Saved My Life, which are still coming in the next few weeks - I haven't been online as much as I'd like lately.

3. I said I'd respond to comments... And I still might, just don't count on it. I'm trying to comment more on the posts I read, though.

4. Thanks to those who left me comments the other day when I emo'd all over the internets. *smishes you all*

5. I made blueberry-oatmeal muffins this morning from scratch and they were OM NOM NOM delicious! \o/

6. UGH, meetings.

Annnnnnnd. Our phone and internet bills did not get paid, so this is the first time I've been online since friday. >:((((( I'm slightly grumpy about it. Sorry.








I realise I still have comments from last week to answer but-


How did you come out to your family? Did you? Do you plan to? Have you ever had someone in your family come out to you? What was it like?

It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately - disclosing, and the experience as a parent mourning for the child you thought you had. I've been thinking about how changing your name legally is essentially killing off your parent's child, killing the part of you that belongs to them as hopes or wishes or the life stories that they built for you before you were born. Yes, nothing of you truly changes, but at the same time that person is not longer there, and really never existed in the first place. It's strange. I don't think I'm explaining it well. I wrote a whole essay on the weird sense of disassociation I have about it sometimes, but I'm not really ready to post it. Anyway.

How did you come out, etc?



ETA & TMI: Someone in here has extremely bad body odor, it's kind of making me nauseous. I know this is where the hippies hang out (it's kind of why i'm here), but god if you aren't going to bathe please at least cease to eat meat. Blech.

So it's Friday night and no one's going to read this, but I have had such a good fucking day and I wanted to share. Firstly, I had a job interview today and no clothes to wear to it due to a combination of having gained weight and not doing laundry. So I went shopping and found an entire businessy outfit for, like, $40, which was nice, and had a lovely conversation with the guy who rung me up about facial piercings - he had a lovely labret with one of those ridiculous coloured glass balls on the front. So, awesome. Then I drove to campus.

I should explain about ASU. It's big, ridiculously so. The last time I heard we were the largest university in the states - over 65,000 students. The main campus, the one I attend, is 1 mile by 1 mile square, and most of it is only accessible by foot. I park in "Lot 59," which is off campus by... at least a mile. I don't know how much, just that if I walk from there it takes me about 20 minutes to get to any given class, and longer to get to my art classes as they are all the way on the west side. So I don't walk, I bike. ANYWAY. I drove to campus and biked to Hayden library at noon (and got all hot and sweaty doing it, gross) because I was supposed to meet a friend, but he never showed up, so I just sat around being nervous and checking my email compulsively and reading GenderQueer (which is amazing, anyone want to talk about it?). Except for the nervousness it was actually pretty nice.

Then I got all changed and ready and biked to my interview. Which went fabulously. I met people, smiled a lot, talked about how I like to bake (COMPLETELY off topic, but whatever), and apparently charmed them since they contacted me an hour later to tell me I got the job!!! I am. Very excited about everything except the fact that I am now in 5 activist groups, taking 15 credit hours and working 20hrs/wk so a) I can say goodbye to any social life or downtime, and b) I am going to be on campus for a good ten hours everyday. Yay! \o/ I do like being employed, though.

SO, ok. Blah blah blah, ran some errands, bought $200 worth of textbooks, went to Green because I'm addicted, and bought myself a small "you are employed now!" present at HTC. Which is to say: I got my shiny new chest piercing, which is gorgeous and looks a bit like this (but not exactly like that, as that is not me). This was also my first dermal anchor (single point piercing), which is exciting. And it turns out I get to keep my nape, which is also good. I love people. And life.


asldfjhasldkfjhaks; ok then.


Oh, also.  I don't like the word 'tranny' and I was wondering - do you like it?  do you use it?  do you mind when other people use it?  Why or why not, etc.  Please?

GUYS. School is, like, hard. And I always forget when I'm not in regular classes that during the school year I rarely if ever get home before 9pm. Oops?

On the other hand, the LGBTQ(qia)s are exceedingly fabulous. I do enjoy them so. And all the sorority girls dress the same.

I miss my flist. *sadfaces*

Today was the first day of classes for this semester -- I looked totally fab in a sort of assholish blue polo that I got super cheap at old navy yesterday (mostly because it reminds me of The Gabe), and my classes were fabulous - painting and ceramics FTW. Holy shit, I love my major. How cool is is that I get to go to school and make stuff all day? *hands*

And then I came home and passed out because I, literally, have heat exhaustion. Like - nausea and muscle pain and overheating, etc. Yay? Ahahaha, I don't even know - I drink more water than any person I know, and I haven't really been exerting myself, so I'm not sure how this happened.

In other news:

Mixtape - YAY!
GABE - I THINK I WILL KEEP YOU.
Also, some food would be nice. Actually, I think that's what I'm going to go do now...

Getting caught up on everything.


HEY. I WANT TO SEND YOU ART AND STUFF. Even if I don't know you very well, even if you're not in the states. REALLY.


( a nervous stomach )


ETA: So I opened this email that I was afraid to open and it is seriously the sweetest thing I have ever read. I think I'm going to print it out and put it on my whiteboard so I can look at it and feel better about life. Ahh, my day is going so much better now. :DDDD

Some photos that I'm sort of in love with lately:

( strangely evocative )

In other news:

- I have to take out my nape piercing. :(

- BUT I will be getting a different one soon - my sternum, perhaps? I really want to do a dermal anchor if I can.

- Today I made veggie potstickers without a recipe and they were delicious! :D

- The Dresden Dolls are still fabulous, but my attention span is crap.

- Vegan ice cream OMNOMNOM YUM.

- Do you like getting mail? Do you like awesome things? I have the perfect solution: SIGN UP to get awesome things in the mail!

Hmm. I'm not sure yet about Conor Oberst's new album with the Mystic Valley Band. It's a little... boring, maybe? Or, not really. It's very pretty, and maybe slightly more folksy than Cassadega. As always, I find his voice really comforting, so it'll probably grow on me. Here, have a song: Milk Thistle (I do like this one, even if I'm not sure about the album). Well, actually, here, have the whole album:






Ugh, this test is fucking killing me. Take home essay tests? NOT COOL. (My time management skills? Probably also not cool. Still.)


ETA: Track 3 (Get-Well-Cards) sounds so much like Bob Dylan I could fucking cry.